My friends are at a party and I'm not with them because I'm stupid. I haven't done work on my dissertation the past couple of days, even though I Really Really Need To. I need a change of scenery though, but don't have anywhere to go to get it; I would like to do my work in some place different just for a couple of days.. But nowhere to go.

I remember him saying he'd always be there for me when I need him, but he never is. So I'm not surprised and I'm not upset that I can't go to Manchester and do work there.

I don't want this year to end so quickly, but it's moving at thissuperrapidpace. The feeling of loss is one of the most painful to overcome, whatever the circumstances. This is one of them. Losing friends, losing a country I love, losing the chance to see bands I adore. Losing.

I don't know what it is with me today. I feel needy and lost and empty. I feel like banging my head against a wall and I feel like bleeding away the diseased blood inside my veins.

I stayed in because I have to do work, though. Maybe I should just go to bed and do it early tomorrow.

. . .

I went out yesterday to p*pscene for indie Thursday. It wasn't fantastic like it usually is: half the music was crap and half the people I love seeing every week weren't there.

These last few weeks aren't as great as I think they should be. Exams mean people studying and less people going out and.. Fuck, it's ending FuckingQuickly.

. . .

I'm empty.

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