Tip: DO NOT throw your phone across your room. The screen will shatter inside and you won't be able to read any text messages.

Do not think people named O are human, because they are not. They are just evil scumbags who really do not care about you and probably never did. They like what is convenient for them and what is convenient for them only. Get over it.

Remember that people have, in the past, fancied you. You are not ugly! Remember James and remember jr high crush probably somewhat liked you. Remember gitfucker must have at least found you attractive. Well.. maybe. ALSO REMEMBER THAT HE IS A FUCK AND YOUR LIFE WILL BE BETTER THAN HIS. PATHETIC PATHETIC PATHETIC FUCK. PATHETIC.

hm. that doesn't make me feel better.

hanging out with my friends, however, does. they are wonderful. I knocked on Candy's door after the phone incident and laid on her bed and told her what happened. I couldn't look at her because I was so embarrassed that I did it again. She said she doesn't understand why, but that it's okay, and just hugged me and asked me what I wanted to do, what I was going to do. It was nice. I didn't feel stupid and I knew she was listening because she wanted to put me in control of the situation by asking what I want, instead of telling me what I should want, which I think is something we are all guilty of doing sometimes. I love all my friends. I don't want to leave them. :/

My husband, also known as Matthew Good, is marrying someone else today. How rude.

I'm going to take my laptop into Candy's room now in order to do some work on my dissertation.

I'm glad I didn't get any closer to gitfucker. Candy said what I did wasn't so bad, I just asked for a bit of a favour. I didn't flirt at all, I didn't try getting closer, really. He's proven he doesn't really care and won't put anyone else's need ahead of his. Ever. And that he's not normal, that I'm no a freak, that friends really don't do that kind of shit to each other and my expectations aren't too high, or double-standard like, and that I'm fine, as evidenced by other friends that I have and love and who love me back. That I need to look at what people like her and Justin would do for me; there's no comparison between that and what gitfucker would do, which is absolutely nothing, unless it involves sex.

I still feel empty and wish I had somewhere to go, somewhere to escape for two fucking days. Maybe I'll go to the Manchester Youth Hostel on Monday & Tuesday or something? Maybe :/

xxx

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