it's strange.

guys hold girls, but their arms around their girlfriends, kiss them, hug them. girls do it back. they hold hands, they dance together, they breathe together, they're together together.

i look at the couples and want that. but i dont' want it with just anyone. i want it from britboy.

i don't know why. why him? he's not particularly nice, not even as a friend. i feel bad every time i see him. i had to try very very hard to keep from crying last time i saw him. not very fun to be in manchester, wanting to shop, but too busy trying to keep tears from pouring out of my eyes.

i don't understand this at all.

why him, why o, why him?

i don't want to feel this way about him at all. i want him erased from my memory completely.

. . .

karen left today. for good. for the year, anyway, which is for good to me.

the year's ending and i can't soak it quickly enough.

xxx

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