i have many, many faults. i recognise the great majority of them. i'd rather not be made aware of the ones i don't recognise because i have a tendancy towards self-hatred.

example.

i realise i lose everything.

it's the first thing that pops into my head any time i can't find something.

"you're such an idiot! why can't you be more organised?"

i try to ignore it and just find what i'm looking for and make a point of not losing something again.

but this is how this last item has been lost in the abyss that is my room.

see, i remember buying the tickets. i put them in my backpack, elated 'cause i was going to see BRMC LIVE!!!!!!

fantastic!

i got home. i took the ticket out my bag. i put them on shelf. then i looked at them and thought, "hey, you are going to lose these! put them somewhere you won't lose them!"

and now i can't remember where the fuck i put them. i have scoured my room - flipped through my books, turned the couch cushions upside down, looked into suitcases, through my make-up boxes, my dirty clothes pile... and nothing. fucking NOTHING. how does this happen!? I AM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!

i've been like this for years and have done many, many things to stop this from happening (including keeping my room clean for a month), but it never fucking works. my mom is the same way. it is genetic!

knowing i am an idiot, however, does not help the situation, does it? it won't get me my fucking tickets back. only finding them will.

and yet... oh, the realms of self-loathing. let's tack this onto the List Of Reasons You Will Never Have a Relationship.

*MGB

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