i wonder sometimes if britboy misses me at all.

hm, anyway.

essay writing (or planning) is a good idea for me now. i have 2 due on monday. one will be a rewriting of cinderella in the form of brian molko slash; another will be on deconstruction and heteronormativity in buffy. i have some cool classes, yes.

this weekend is sasc training!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

i'm surprised by how much i'm looking forward to this. getting involed in something like sexual assault sounds so amazing. it makes me quesion what i want to do after i graduate - do i really want a master's right away? would i be better off getting a 'proper' job helping people in stuff like this? maybe i could write the lsat, and go into family law or something? i feel so young and so old to be making these choices. i'm finishing my degree in seven months - shouldn't i know what i want to do? and yet, i'm only twenty-two..

i feel too old to analyse myself now, too. it seems irrelevant in some ways. what am i doing this for? so i can dig into who i am and get depressed over it? so i can look at what a fuck up i am with dating? so i can stress even more about what i should do with my life?

ahhh now i'm analysing the process of analysing.

the analysing mirror is fucking warped and twisted. it doesn't give me an accurate reflection of anything, so what's the point?

i'm a stress ball at the moment. too much to do, too little time to do school work and make these Big Decisions.

poodlepants says there's no point in doing a master's if you don't know what you want to do.

what i'm worried about is not applying and then not having the option of doing it when i'm done. also, if i wait a year to apply, i'm worried my professors aren't going to remember me and won't be able to write me reference letters. and ughhhh living at home for a year is going to KILL ME. if i want the option of an ma, though, i'll need to do that so i can save up money. if i get a job somewhere else, something that seems cool, then that'll be great, yeah... but then what if i hate it and DO decide i want an ma? i won't have enough money. and and i want to go back to england. but.. god, at the same time, i've been away from home for so long and...

i'm waffling all over the place. i don't have a fucking clue about anything.

time to go offline and just work on the fucking essays.

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