dearest diaryland,

i am typing this naked.

i came out of the shower about an hour ago, waiting for my hair to dry. still naked!

i have an exam tomorrow evening that i think i'm mostly prepared for. it's a good feeling. i was at the library for 12 hours today and would like a gold star, please.

i feel the only thing missing in my life is a boyfriend, and that's okay. i'd be a very irritating person if i did have a boyfriend, bcause i think i'd feel as if my life is perfect.

you know, diaryland, i don't hate myself anymore. i realised this when i was talking to my roomates tonight. one was talking about her boyfriend and her fear of them breaking up, that if they do break up, it will be because of her. her other relationships have broken up because of games, but she's not playing a role in this one; it's just her.

my other female roomate was saying that sometimes relationships end just because the people aren't right for each other. it doesn't have anything to do with someone not being 'good enough' because you can be the perfect person and still be rejected. alternately, you can be the perfect person and feel like that's all you are. britboy's girlfriend, for example.

and for the first time someone has said something like that, i found myself agreeing.

maybe i don't hate him at all. maybe i dislike certain aspects of him and maybe he disliked certain aspect of me and that's okay. not being the right person for him doesn't mean i'm not a good person at all and doesn't mean no one will want me.

and, you know, i'm on the right path academically, too. my roommates are doing well because of work experience. one in the service area, and one in all kinds of places. and i've realised that my lack of experience is okay. we all have different types of experience that help us succeed later on. i have school and sasc and an exchange in england and peer counselling and some office experience, on top of some customer service. not TOO shabby, non?

i'm also thinking that i'm fucking lucky, diary. see, i know lots of people who aren't even doing a major they enjoy. me? me, i love sociology and i usually enjoy my english lit classes. something related to that will most likely be fantasorgasmic.

and oh! i haven't mentioned yet! one of my roommates will sell me her couch & desk for $50! and another has a bed that she might be able to sell for fairly cheap, too. it's nice having roommates with old furniture, diary, it really is!

so, yoou see diary, my life is pretty much perfect. pretty much.

oh, diary, i love listening to the cure! robert smith's voice is somehow orgasmic. "boys don't cry," "Burn," "just like heaven..." oh diary, are there any boys out there who love the cure and might also love me? and maybe the manics and muse, too? it would be so nice to have such a nice, cool boyfriend.

i sometimes imagine talking to the boys i like in my sociology and english lit classes. i realised one of them looks like gimpy off undergrads though, so that's not nice. but back to the other ones.. a boy who likes those bands and has similar political leanings to me and is cute, too.. i'm wondering if i'm just hopeless waiting for a female with a penis instead of a vagina? which is a rather pointless wait, i know... *sigh*

but i can't complain, diary. i have a wonderful life here. i'm in university, studying what i enjoy, have a million and one opportunities waiting for me at the end of april. i'll soon be living in one of the nicest areas in one of the nicest cities in canada (likely the most beautiful, bar none).

please wish me luck on my exam tomorrow. i've been studying, but i can use the extra luck, diary.

still naked. perhaps i should change into some pyjamas. i wouldn't like icky spiders to bite my privates :(

mwah.

*the cure

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