i haven't written anything in here for awhile because i guess i'm sick of whining.

life in canada is pretty.. hm.. shit.

i don't have many friends. i hardly ever go out. theres not much that i'm into here, other than a couple of classes. i take solace in that it could always be worse. i don't know what i'd do if kris wasn't here.. probably be crying every night.

it hasn't been without effort, either. i've volunteered for stuff, i've been talking to people in class, i've even tried meeting people through livejournal; but none of it works.

it's only a couple more months, i know and then i'll be at home (which may be worse.. but at least i'll have my awesome cousin there). i'll get a job, i'll save up money, and i'll go to england. even if i don't accepted into a master's programme in england(in which case, i'd seriously probably want to jump off a cliff), i'll go visit for a couple of weeks in october. if i do get accepted and am really enjoying the volunteer work & the job i have at home, i'll postpone it for a year and visit in october. no matter what happens, i'll be there in october. i guess i have to focus on that.

i don't know how it happened. i look back to first year, and i had a great time (generally). i had friends, i went out whenever i wanted.. and then i guess i got a taste of what it would be like to live somewhere where boys like me; where i like the boys; where i like the music at the clubs; where there are numerous groups, activities, clubs, pubs that cater to my tastes; where i don't have to pretend to be something/like something i'm not/don'. and i guess i got spoiled; and now i can't go back to the way things were. i can't go back to non-political people 24-7 and cheesy, skanky clubs.. i just can't.

so i sit here. alone. and bored.

and.

ugh.

just a few more months.

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