i'd love you, regardless of the extent of our communication. i'd love what we'd had and i'd love your smile and your shy way of holding my hand and putting your arms around me and how you cross your legs with your right ankle on your left knee as you smoke those disgusting tubes of tar and reek of cigarettes and mint chewing gum as you'd kiss me. i'd still love you as i'd remember how you'd smile coyly in the middle of the night and snuggle up against me, spoon me, breathe on my neck. i'd love those conversatins we could have at stupid o'clock on any day whenever i was sad or lonely or whenever you were upset and i'd try to drag it out of you.. or when it was just a summer day and we'd be sitting in a pub and chatting before realising that hours had passed and we should really get home. nothing could have, and nothing can, erase those memories from my mind; and really, that's the way i like it.

it doesn't hurt to love you now. i'll be fine when you're with someone else, i'll be fine when i'm with someone else..

i don't have to, and nor am i going to, apologise to anyone about how i feel. not to you, not to my friends, not to myself... well, maybe to myself. just a little.

should i be apologising to myself more? probably. but, then, i'd don't think i'd forgive me.

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